March, 1997
I wish I'd been
there when he crossed the finish line. As it was,
we'd been gone only a short while. Maybe that's as
it should be.
His was a victory that
didn't come easily. Throughout the long, chilly night
and into the early hours of the morning, we watched the
numbers flash repeatedly on the monitor screen. Much
too soon they would slow, answering the question that
nagged at each of us standing vigil, "How long
before the end comes?"
This is one of
life's bittersweet experiences. We want to hold on,
yet we long for the passage to be complete. You
watched, too, didn't You God? Day after day D.L.
fought valiantly, and demonstrated what we all knew to
be true: turning loose of the temporal is hard. You
understand. You gave us that instinct. It's what pulls
us out of bed each morning, and prods us forward, one
foot in front of the other. It's what keeps us
fighting, when we'd rather give up; keeps us in the
battle when we'd rather beat retreat.
You knew,
didn't You, that this final battle was one he'd have
to fight to the finish? We all thought he'd lost; had
gone down in defeat. But in Your eyes, this was
ultimate victory.
He fought, and he won,
triumphing over death because of You. He achieved what
he longed for... an eternity with You. We grieve the
loss of one we love, as well we should. His passing
will leave a deep chasm in the hearts of those who
loved him. But is he grieving, is he sad? No. No, not
at all! He's shouting glory. At last he is
home.
You were there beside him
all of the time weren't You, Lord? He was never alone.
You felt his pain as though it were Your own. That's
just how You are. For now suffering and sorrow are part
of the human experience. One day there will be no more
pain, no more sorrow, no more tears, no night. But for
now, that isn't so. So as Your children we have to
rest in knowing that whatever comes our way You will
walk through each dark day, holding our hand, leading
the way. You give to us all the wisdom, guidance and
strength that we need.
When we thought he was
straining to say a word or two, could it be the
conversation wasn't ours at all? Maybe You were
cheering him on, "Come on son, you can do it! Just
a little longer, and you'll be home!" Was he
calling back to You? Did You hear him as he said,
"I'm coming, Lord. I'm
coming!"
His struggle seemed
endless, made bearable only by a sense of Your
nearness. Often as we watched and waited, I fancied
that if I had heavenly eyes, I'd be able to see You
standing there beside him.
What did you
think when Jerry, Connie, and Jan sang their father's
favorite songs of faith? It was a special moment. They
were comforting their dad by blending their voices in
praise to the God he loved so much. Did You bend down
close, through the tangle of wires and tubes? I was
just wondering, did You cry?
When we held
hands around that hospital bed and released him back to
You, whose hand were You holding? Or did You simply
gather us all into the shelter of Your
arms?
With his final breath,
real life for him began. The vale that separated him
from You was torn in two; time ceased to be no more.
Sorrow changed to joy and all the questions were
answered. Your purpose became clear.
Was he crying
tears of joy when he burst into the light of Your
presence? Did he stop short, wide eyed with wonder as
he tried to take it all in? That first glimpse of
Heaven must have been something! I can just hear him
sigh with relief as he slipped first one foot and then
the other, into the crystal waters of your warm
love.
Were You waiting at the
gate- was Aunt LaDonna at Your side? Or, did You send
an angelic escort to bring him to Your throne? Is that
where you met for the very first time? Or, was it under
the spreading branches of the tree of life? Maybe
beside the banks of the river flowing from Your throne?
Was there a banner spread across the streets of gold
proclaiming, "WELL DONE, GOOD AND FAITHFUL
SERVANT!"? Who was there with You? Moses, David,
the Apostle Paul? Did you tell baby William and baby
Knuth that their great uncle was home? I hope D.L. told
them that their mama still remembers- that one day soon
she'll be there, too. What a reunion that must have
been!
Oh, Lord, sometimes I ache
with anticipation for the day when I'll be wrapped
securely in Your arms. No more simply accepting by
faith. With senses truly alive (for the very first
time) I'll experience You! If I close my eyes real
tight, sometimes I think that I can almost feel the
warmth of Your embrace- tender and strong. Is that what
D.L. felt? Do you plan to spend the first part of
forever in one another's arms?
What went
through his mind at that moment? "Hey, I don't
hurt anymore!" or was it, "The battles
finally over." That instant when he was fully
aware that he was not in a dream, what was that like?
When he touched You, felt the scars in Your great
hands, He knew didn't he? He knew that what he had
taught, and preached, and lived for, for so long was
truth. You were there, right in front of him. The Lord
he had served, and loved, and honored with his life,
was really, truly there! When he finally stopped
crying, did You wipe his final tears with the corner of
Your sleeve, or tenderly brush them away with Your
fingertips?
So much wondering, Lord.
So many questions. For us they go on and on. For D.L.
they have all been answered. No more pain, sorrow,
stress...no more time pressures or schedules. Just
peace.
Would You share some of
that with us today? As we gather around to say our
goodbyes, make us cognizant that for D.L. he's just
beginning an eternity of hello's. At last, he is safe
in the arms of Jesus.
Love,
Ronda